• Gina

The Healthy Way to Grieve: Don't Compare Your Pain

The idea of comparing pain invalidates our own unique experiences and divides us from each other

I’ve been seeing a lot of people invalidate their own or other people’s pain and loss by comparing

During covid so many people have died, lost loved ones, lost jobs, lost homes, the list goes on

It’s been a crazy and sad time for all of us in very similar and very different ways

I wanted to post this because I want you to know your experience is valid, no matter what you’re going through

I remember thinking to myself in early April of 2020, "Wow why are you feeling bad for losing money, work, and being stuck inside? People are dying"

But I’ve realized this is just denying myself and how I really feel. This is unhealthy comparison. This is disconnection. We each have every right to process what we’re going through. That’s the only healthy way

I’ve realized through this time I can honor and empathize with the losses of others while still fully honoring my own. These two things are not opposed. They are very much symbiotic

What we deny in ourselves we deny in others. If I can honor my own pain I am much more able to honor the pain of others

Of course we probably won’t talk to our friend about our job loss if their parent just died. There are moments to be silent and empathize with and care for others

But just because our loss isn’t “as big” as someone else’s doesn’t mean it’s not still a valid loss to be honored

I just cringed writing that last sentence because I’m so tired of the comparisons 😆 I really don’t want to think in terms of “bigger” “worse” or “better” anymore. Your loss is your loss. Your experience is your experience. The way you feel is how you feel. It’s not comparable to someone else’s

We can honor everyone’s pain, everyone’s loss. This is not the biggest “loser” competition. This is not a time to divide further. This is a time to come together. We all need that so badly

I pray you honor your pain. You have probably been through a lot this year, and it’s not comparable to anyone else’s experience. This is your own personal and unique experience.

Pain is subjective. It cannot be compared

You are free to feel. You are allowed to grieve. Your experience is personal and valid 💛

Mad love,